I've been refusing to do this post for months, even though many of my friends have asked me to write it up so many times. I don't know why exactly, maybe it's because of me being Finnish and for Finnish people it's a 'sin' to brag with what you have or what you have done. Maybe because I have been afraid of the response I would get? I mean I know that I'm still far from being what I want in terms of my body, but I am A LOT happier than I was 3 years ago. So, now that a friend of mine persuaded me to finally to get my act together and write this, I actually am happy that he did, because going through all the pictures made me realise how much I have changed since I was 13-14. So thanks to him x You see lately I haven't been hitting the gym and I have been cramming food into mouth like there's no tomorrow, just because of stress and other stuff in life that has happened after x-mas holidays. Just hasn't been that great you know? Everyone has those times, and I just happen to have it now (though it would be nice to be super fit for summer). Anyway, I don't want to make this post all about me, even though that sounds hilariously stupid because it is. BUT I want to make you realise if you are in need of motivation that anything is possible, whether it is about losing weight, changing yourself, your personality, school, anything. If you believe in it you're already half way done.
I am very sorry for the quality of some of the photos, they are really old and some are taken on a phone, but just bear with me.
2011// 13 years. During the year that I spent in Germany back when I was 12-13, I gained a lot of weight, just because I really didn't think about what I ate at that time, as long as there was food I was happy. And believe me, there was a lot of it. And it was good. So why not? Back then I didn't feel the need to be skinny, because I had always been a bit chubby, so I though that it was just normal. And also hey, I was 12, who cares? I was a kid. So if you are 12-13 years old and you're reading this please DO NOT THINK that you need to lose any weight. Losing weight is not for children, and you should not be concerned too much about your weight. As long as you are normal weight that is perfect. And I was a bit on the high end of normal BMI, but I WAS at the normal BMI to my height (158cm, also one of the reasons why it's important for me to watch what I eat nowadays because it all shows in my body really quickly).
2011// 13 years. I was not gonna put these ones up, because I think they are the worst pictures of me ever. But then I thought, wasn't this supposed to be about how much I've changed? I've always had chubby cheeks and still do (hence the nickname "chipmunk") just because of the shape of my face. Cannot do anything about it, but I have learnt how not to make it look even more like a football. I used have a short hair, up till my collar bones that was really thin, so looking back now I have no idea what I was thinking, it looked horrible. So just a tip if you have a round face; do not cut your hair short even though it is the trend of the summer this year.
2011// 13 years. You see what meant with the hair? Back in Germany I had a great year, but I do remember struggling sometimes thinking about whether I looked good, of course every girl does, it's in our instinct. People there liked me for who I was, not the way I looked, and I loved them as they were. It's so sad now because I am realising the reason behind why so many people change is the internet and social media (you have no idea how my many essays I've written about that in English so now it feels like I'm doing an assignment hah). It's just ridiculous how young girls think that they need to look like Jennifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian or any other of the thousand celebrities. My opinion is that you are born as you, so just make yourself the best version of you. Also, you're still growing and your body is changing!
2012// 14 years. This one was taken at my confirmation dinner, and I actually had been on a candy strike for about 3 months before it. I think comparing with the previous photo it was a good decision, because I lost a few kilos and my face looks a lot less bloated. I learned that sugar is bad for me for probably the first time actually and started trying to only have sweet only once a week, because it actually made my face look a million times better. I still have that dress, but it is too big for me now (just slides off me haha), which is a shame because I loved it :(
2012// 14 years. Moving to Singapore. I've put on a few kilos again, but I had started doing some exercising though not seriously. When I moved here I weighted more than I had ever weighted, so about 60 kg in my 158 cm body... so that makes a BMI of 24.03 (on the verge of overweight which is 24.09). Now my BMI is a lot healthier 20.83 so I weigh about 52 kg. I did lose a total of 14 kg, and was at 45.5 kg at one point which I will tell you about later on, but since then I have gained more muscle and just feel so much better in general.
2012// 15 years. Fall. I kinda miss my dark hair, and I was thinking about dying it back a while ago. But when I thought about it, I felt that I don't want to, though many said I should, because I feel that the old me would come back if I would dye it back to brunette. It sounds really stupid I know, but when I did dye my hair blond, I felt like it was a new start for me and that I could build something new of myself, something that I could be proud of. Not that I wasn't proud of myself back then, but everyone has these silly things they believe and this just happens to be mine. I am not saying that either brunette or blonde is superior to either one, I just feel that blonde suits me better, makes me look confident because it is my natural one and just in general makes me feel better.
2013 // 15. Spring. This a bit over two years ago I think.... I'm not quite sure but I remember that this is when I started this whole "fitness" thing. In other words, I just started watching more at what I put in my mouth and went to the gym 4 times a week. I also remember thinking that I was bit unhappy with my looks, because of the way people here look. You see Singaporeans are THIN. I mean really thin. So of course it made me think "oh yeah I need to be thin as well to look good". But the thing is, back then I didn't realise that people have different bone structures, and that there is no way in this world that I would ever be as thin as they are. It is simply not possible, because in order to be like them I would need to have my ribs removed. And I am not doing that. Neither should anyone else even consider it, it's not natural. Disgusting is a better word.
2014// 16. Summer. Hair had gone blond. I felt better. -9kg so far and some muscle gained. The gym had been my second home for the duration of the whole year and I had learnt so many things about nutrition, cleansing, workouts and specific body parts and how to recover (the importance of rest days). I had 5 days of gym a week, swimming few times a week and of course the usual cardio like running and walking and staircase training. I felt more toned, and I didn't need to worry about whether my arms were floppy. I felt confident and I was really happy with my progress so far. BUT there was always that crave for more, to be better, to be just a little bit more toned and thinner. If you compare my face to the earlier ones I look like a different person (okay I'm making a duck face but still, my cheeks were half of the size they use to be). ALSO, I had stopped having rice, pasta and potato and for me this option of diet worked, because I realise now that I must have some sort of thing in my body against gluten, because it made me swell like a balloon. Doesn't work for everyone, and I do still have other carbs like bread (no white flour though) to keep my digestion in progress better and to fill myself up to get energy. My friends had started noticing change in me and were asking me how I lost so much weight. So of course that made me feel even better, and got me twice as motivated to do better, since people were looking up to me.
2014// 16. See any gains? I don't haha! I just see a very skinny me, because I had started being way too picky on eating and exercising like crazy. Focus on cardio of course, because I was still thinking that I need to lose more fat in order to tone up. Thought wrong. I was counting calories and did not allow myself almost any sugar or fast food and fatty foods were a huge NO. I was literally scared of them, and remember having arguments about stupid things like how much oil there should be on the pan etc. SO SO stupid. I've always had big arms, but this was the only time that they were actually looked small and thin and I felt like, now I am good enough. I was fixated on detox tea and had to weigh myself every single morning and I loved the feeling when my stomach was empty cos I knew that I looked thin. My breakfast consisted of two quinoa crisp breads with cherry tomato slices, green tea and a fruit. Lunch was a box of veggies and water. For snack I sometimes had a cup of fruit. And dinner was whatever protein we had and veggies and two or one slices of bread. A total of about 900 kcal( and I went to the gym to burn 600 of it after school). Writing it now here, makes me realise that there was something really wrong with me and I am so happy that it changed.
2014// 17. I remember that I loved the photo on the left when it was taken last fall, but now looking at it. I CAN SEE MY RIBS. I was at my lowest weight ever at this time; 45.5 kg, so my BMI was 18.23. I was underweight. I remember thinking that now I am good enough that I look really good. However my friends were concerned about me, because I was tired all the time and I was eating like a bird. In the end I got really sick and was diagnosed with mycoplasma, a virus that is really hard to get rid of since there's only a few antibiotics that really work for it. I had a total of 4 sets of antibiotics and numerous visits to the doctors office and my whole body system was totally messed up for many months. All this was because of the detox tea and me not eating enough, because you see detox tea boosts up your metabolism and makes food pass through your system quicker and since I was having it every week, nutrients weren't properly absorbing to my system. Of course I got sick.
2014// 17. This last x-mas holiday really changed my 'relationship' to food because well, I was actually terrified of all the amount of food before flying to Finland because I was scared of gaining weight. I ate from my mind at the time immensely and I felt guilty of eating. Even though I didn't really even have that much. In the end I did gain 3 kg during the holiday and none of it was muscle haha. But I am really happy that the one part in my brain twitched because I don't know what would have happened if I had kept on with the bird menu.
2015// 17. The healthy me, but still fit. After coming back from Finland after christmas this year I started eating more protein, I stopped counting calories and decreased the amount of cardio to do more muscle training. My mycoplasma was gone and I felt a lot better because I didn't feel tired non-stop. Even though I have gained weight, I feel as if I am thinner than I was before christmas, even though I am not having any detox tea anymore. I have gained muscle, I've gotten a lot stronger (can do over 100 kg on leg press now! My goal is to get 200 kg before next summer). Just comes to prove that you don't need to be skinny and have a thigh gap to be considered fit. You define fit yourself depending on your wants and needs. In general since everything was going excellent for the first months this year I was so motivated. But then stuff happened and now I just need a new set of goals, a clear mind and whole bunch of motivation. The picture with the brunette me and the blond me here is showing me in the start and end of this whole thing. In the end, I had to learn through the hard way how to do things right.
To wrap this all up shortly, because I really feel that many of you have stopped reading after the halfway , I hope that this gave you some light to weight loss, but also made you realise that everything is possible for real. Just don't do the mistake that I did and go too far. Listen to yourself and your own needs rather than thinking about what other people think about you. The word perfect should not even exist because nobody is perfect there is no definition for it because it varies depending on our own likes and dislikes. What you think about yourself means more than anyone else's opinion, because they don't have to live in your skin. You do.
Simply, just be the best version of yourself.
x
